Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
