I wannas sexs uuuuu
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize