I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
