shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
