R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
