we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
