I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize