I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
