i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
