Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
