FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Randomize
