one might say we're banned from that church
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
