I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
