If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
