ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
