shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
