I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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