she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
