the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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