the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Enjoy the penises
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
