Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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