Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
