I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
