i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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