I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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