It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you inspire me to be a worse person
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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