Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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