The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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