When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
