i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
