I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
