if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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