My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
