i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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