I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize