yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
