one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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