A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
