I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
