I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
