this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
