Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
