dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
