you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
