I feel like abortions should bother me more
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
