You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
