So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
