this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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