Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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