i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
