And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
