I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
