It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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