i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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