I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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