People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
