I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Text me some of your sweat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
