Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
