And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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