Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
