Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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