you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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