i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
