Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
